Marriage as Protection against Porneia
Marriage is not only a monogamous “one flesh union” but also a hedge against sexual immorality. Marriage is what makes sex safe, as well as sanctified. There can be a difference of Christian opinion about the permissibility of adult sexual relationships outside of marriage, in certain circumstances (again, the question of what constitutes pornia, or sexual immorality). But adultery within a marriage is clearly a sin and breaking of covenant. Nevertheless, after one has made vows of lifelong fidelity, sexual desire does not disappear, nor does it miraculously stay focused on one’s spouse. Though the thrill of the chase is over and the candles of romance less frequently lit, eros remains a powerful force. This is one of the reasons why we need a helper who is also a partner. Paul has liberal advice for the frequency of sex—whenever either partner desires it, unless both spouses agree to a season of abstinence and prayer: “Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. This I say by way of concession, not of command. I wish that all were I myself am. But each has a particular gift from God, one having one kind and another a different kind” (1 Cor. 6:5-7).
Paul writes as a celibate man, and commends celibacy for the unmarried in light of the urgency of the Christian mission and the imminence of the end of the world. Celibacy remains an honorable and high calling and condition of life. But there is no reason, biblical, theological or experiential, to suppose that gay and lesbian persons are particularly gifted at celibacy, and therefore it ought to follow that Paul’s advice to “the unmarried and the widows” also applies to them: “it is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion” (6:8-9).
This understanding of the gift of celibacy accords with that of Jesus, as recorded in Matthew 19. In response to the disciples’ objection to their teacher’s strict prohibition on divorce-- “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:11)--Jesus said to them, “Not everyone can accept this teaching [not to marry], but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth [naturally asexual], who have been made eunuchs by others [castrated], and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven [celibate]. Let anyone accept this who can” (19:11-12). On the grounds of these passages, John Calvin rejected clerical celibacy as a mandate for all than rather than as a particular gift for some: “But this is to tempt God: to strive against the nature imparted by him, and to despise his present gifts as if they did not belong to us at all.”[i]
[i] Calvin, Institutes, Vol. 21, Bk 4, Ch. 13, Par. 3, 1257; cited in Christopher Morse, “Has Mrs. Spaulding Been Addressed?”—a response to Richard Norris’ unfinished paper, “Some Notes on the Current Debate Regarding Homosexuality and the Place of Homosexuals in the Church,” published in The Anglican Theological Review, Volume 90, Number 3 (summer 2008), 554. See also Morse, “Being Human Sexually,” in Not Every Spirit: A Dogmatics of Christian Disbelief (Valley Forge, Pa.: Trinity Press International, 1994), 273-284.
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